Wife Watch – Winter Edition

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Every year it happens at least once.

If you know my wife, you know she is absolutely prone to acts of misforntune. I don’t know why. It’s just the way of the world. Have you ever read the Series of Unfortunate Events? Yeah, she’s the 4th, unnamed Boudelaire child.

I have come to accept a theory. The reason she is the recipient of so many mishaps and mayhem is as a scapegoat for the rest of us. We live luckier lives thanks to her sacrifice.

What is it that happens at least once a year you might ask?

When Winter reaches its nastiest peak, she finds that one spot of ice that we all missed, and face plants. Now… I’m not saying it’s funny or anything, but… who am I kidding? I laugh so hard, I nearly lose my own balance.

Let me give you a short example.

Our very first winter together was a really nasty one. I had yet to discover my wife was a misfortune magnet. We left our vehicle to go inside. My legs are longer than hers, so I am used to arriving to my destination a couple moments earlier.

I sat down in my comfy chair to relax from a long day only to wonder where she had gone. I went back outside finding her face planted in a pile of snow.

Instead of walking through the nice safe grass like any snow dweller would have, she decided to brave the 2 inch thick ice on our sidewalk.

Another time a couple years ago during one of our health kicks, she went on a run down by the river while I stayed home because.. ain’t no body getting my fat self out in the cold.  I receive a phone call from her saying she had fallen down the hill, and now has her leg stuck in the icy river.

“Honey, I appreciate the fact that I’m the one you call when you need saved, but… you have the vehicle. Hang up and call 911!”

Since then, I hold her hand for the duration of winter.

For the 13 winters we have been together, she has fallen 12 times.

Any day now, she will find that slick spot, and all will be right in the world once again.

I’ll keep you posted.

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