We Live in a Constant State of Fear

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15 Responses

  1. Dawn ranabargar says:

    Well actually you are not alone… I’ve never lost a child so I don’t know what that feels like but I am that mother that checked on my son all hours through the night (heck I set up a bed in our bedroom that I made him sleep in until he was a teenager) fear of something happening.. He is now married and I talk to him every night before bed and every morning (early morning) just so I know that he is ok… We now have a little girl that we check on more hours through the night than we hours that we sleep (that is if she isn’t sleeping with us) I check to see if she is breathing, I feel her chest, I put my finger under her nose to feel the air as she blows out, one early morning I panicked and jerked her up out of bed and started yelling at Garry as she woke suddenly and started to cry because I scared her… The list of my fears for both of my children continue even as I grow older so trust me when I say you are not crazy and you are not alone with the fears and the constant checking on your babies… The struggle is real and I’m sure for someone who has lost a child this is normal… Love ya…

  2. Raine C. S. says:

    You very much are not alone. Bereavement is hard. There is no doubt that a part of the fear of losing a child will linger with you for the rest of your lives. The reality is though that nothing you did or could have done would have prevented what was meant to happen. As little sense as that all makes in life – I will always personally struggle with the whys. Of course, I don’t know all the details or anything else, but, I do know what type of person you and your wife seem to be and it does not strike me that you’re callous in your duties to protect and look after your children. At some point, you need to fully embrace the fact that life can be so damned unfair, but that it isn’t your fault. You’ll need to losen the grips of fear and not let it have that power over your family. It’s hard. Damned near impossible in fact, but, your wee one wouldn’t want you to suffer. Know that I understand and I’m your brother in bereavement. Know that Selah is remembered and cared about, even by people who didn’t have the blessing to know her. Know that if you ever need an ear to listen or a shoulder to lean on, I’m here – all you need to do is just reach out. Stay strong brother. Peace to you and your family.

  3. Cindy says:

    Beautifully written. I’m sure your words have touched a lot of people’s hearts. Peace to you and your family.

  4. Brea says:


  5. Kay says:

    All the hugs man. I lost my sister a couple years ago and saw (and see) my parents grieve. I get you.

  6. Sara says:

    Thank you for sharing something so personal. I cannot even imagine what you are going through. I can only say that I believe your courage and openness will speak to other parents who are looking for validation and healing.

    I have to say I love your vivid description of walking into the kids room and checking on them. Great work.

    • Joseph says:

      Thank you. It’s nothing if not vivid for us.

      That’s my one hope. That my story can impact someone else for the better.

  7. Shell says:

    You are not alone… I am deeply sorry for your families loss and my heart is filled with prayers for all of you…,

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