We All Love Cat Videos – But They’re a Lie! – – – The True Cat Story

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Wife Watch 2018: It’s getting to the point where I am going to push her. In order to save everyone’s lives from the coming apocalypse and impending doom from her throwing the world off its axis, I’m just going to knock her down. You can thank me later while leading your peaceful lives. This has been a Wife Watch Update.



My wife is one of those really soft hearted people… to everyone but me that is. When she sees an animal on the street, suddenly it has a new home. Occasionally this does not turn out the way that you’d expect it to. Not everyone wants rescued.

In our younger years, we found one of those situations.

With our first child, we had plenty of visits to the ER. New parents tend to freak out over the smallest things, like… having his head dented. (We were told it was nothing to worry about. Happens all the time.)

Through these visits, we became friends with one of the on site doctors.

This doctor also had a soft spot for animals, but not the time to spend on one with all the working hours that doctors have. There was a really lovable calico cat dropped off at the hospital that needed a home of its own. The doctor offered us $100 for vet expenses, and viola, we are the proud owners of a new female kitty.

Have you ever heard the story of Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde? Upon walking through the door at home, this cat did a complete 180. All dogs may go to Heaven, but cats definitely have a special place in the lake of fire. This coming from a cat person.

Kittyzilla refused to be loved, refused to be touched. Not in the, “Eww, dont touch me,” way. In the, “I will cut you, and then I will cut your whole family,” way. Determined to follow through with our commitment to the doctor, we put on not one, but two oven mits to save ourselves from disembowelment.

While at work one afternoon, I received a phone call from my wife in hysterics. She had gotten off work to return home only to find the cat sitting on the stairs refusing to let her by with full snarl on its face. Of course, being the mean woman my wife is, she gathered up all her energy, and walked to the neighbor’s house to wait for me to take care of the situation.

What else do you name a demon cat who spawns from the very depth of Hades? Luci. We named her Luci.

Now, it did all work out in the end. She grew to understand that the house was ours, and we grew to understand that she was just a ball of hormones from being pregnant. We ended up with a 7 for the price of one deal, and truly began our journey to being the 40 cat crazy old people.

The moral of the story… Don’t accept pets from doctors unless you have the US Military to back you up.

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1 Response

  1. Damien says:

    Aw. Glad it got a good home.

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