Walking Through the Valley Today..

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We’ve all been there. You know, those days when you wake up and you’re feeling happy that life is going your way. You love your job. You love your family. Times are good.

Then…

…from what seems like nowhere, crap hits the fan. All that life once was, has changed in a millisecond.

It’s in these moments of uncertainty that we learn our biggest lessons. Not only is our character tested, but our faith, our resilience.  It’s easy to be happy on the mountain top. It’s a whole different story in times of struggle. When life has been turned upside down and inside out and you are sitting in the valley.

On occasion I find myself sitting deep within this valley. On December 10th, 2012, I found myself sitting in this valley.

Today, I came upon another valley.  I chose to WALK through this very dark, uncomfortable valley.

While at work today, I met one of the medics that attempted to save my daughter. I know they did everything they could. I know that their heart broke with mine that day. I know the sleepless nights they had, the pain they carried with them as they replayed that scene in their mind.

My heart became overwhelmed. My mind running in a thousand different directions, replaying that awful day in my head, wondering how often it played in theirs.

Holding me in the doorway, while I screamed, begged – Running, carrying her lifeless body at full speed – Working in overdrive to accomplish an already impossible job.

Today my heart broke all over again.

I began processing this in my mind, attempting to re-write history in my head to somehow make us both feel a little better. I wanted to say so much. I wanted to tell him she was a happy child, that she was so loved. I wanted to tell him how grateful I was to have had such an amazing team try so hard.

Yet, all I could muster up, was, “Thank you.”

The words seemed inadequate, but I spoke in an uncomfortable situation.

I engaged.

I stood up.

Dusted off my clothes and began to walk through the valley.

 

Selah Grace Lynn Rose – Born: June 4, 2012 – Transitioned Into Eternity: December 10, 2012

 

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4 Responses

  1. Raine C. S. says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I understand this so completely and fully having lost a daughter myself. Know that I am thinking about your family and your little girl in Heaven.

    • Ashlee says:

      Thank you! I know Selah and Eden are probably best of friends, that’s how life works right?

      Honestly though, I am so sorry you are walking through this valley! Many hugs and prayers to you and yours!

  2. This is a beautiful post, and I am so sorry for your loss. I have to say that you are so brave for not only writing this but having the bravery to share your inner most feeling with other. So many hold things like this inside and cannot cope, and posts like this will touch them in an amazing way!

    • Joseph says:

      My loss? I haven’t lost anything. I know exactly where she is 😀 Apparently robbing Heaven’s candy vault at the moment (see Selah in Heaven)

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