Then and Now: A Love/Hate Relationship between Brothers

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I don’t like my brother.

That’s the simple truth of how I feel right now. We are six years apart, and live two completely different lifestyles. As a matter of fact, I do everything I can to avoid spending too much time with him. I’m just being brutally honest and transparent.

That’s not how it always was however.

Back in our younger days, my brother and I used to go on walks together just to talk. We used to cry with each other. We used to be together every day.

Yeah, he was always the most annoying thing this side of Annoying Orange or Fred the Movie.
For example, we were bunk bed children. Unlike other bunkbed children, my brother didn’t want the top bunk. He instead wanted to lay under my bed so that he could kick me for hours on end. Yeah, that kind of annoying.

However, as life moved along, something changed. Maybe it was him. Maybe it was me. Whatever it was, it caused a deep rift. It’s possible that I’m too prideful and holier than thou. I do admit that I have an issue with pride. My wife even tells me I’m borderline arrogant. It could also be that I live too much of a hermit lifestyle. I’m not really fond of being around people.

Maybe both of us were just attacked by life at the same time, kind of like when lightning strikes a tree sending it in half.

I’ve been examining our sibling relationship for a while now, and I have come to the conclusion that I’m in opposition of what it has become. Simply put, I don’t like it. And I pray that it is not too late to fix whatever needs fixing to bring some sort of resemblance of a family back into our lives.

I see my own children lashing out at each other. It breaks my heart to see that they are unable to get along at all hours of the day. I’m not exaggerating when I say that they argue from the moment they awaken until the very last blink of the eye before sleep takes over.
I continually remind my children that, in the end, family and God is all they have. When the world comes crashing down, family will be there.

I say it in hypocrasy. My family is not there for each other any longer. Not really. We’ve gone our separate ways.

That old saying, “Do as I say, not as I do,” is a complete load of horse manuer. You have to lead by example, or not at all.

Another saying, however, does ring true. If, as a father, you do not lead your children, someone else will.

How am I to have my children get along with each other if I only tolerate my own sibling? How am I to teach them of the power of family bonds when my own bond is lacking?

That’s not what I want for my life.

I am the elder brother. I should be there looking out for my own kin. I should be a leading by example, and holding my family together. I’ve forsaken that responsibility, and have paid the price.

I sit here in front of my computer screen hoping that it’s not too late to bring love back into a broken place.

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