We Were This Close to Being On an Episode of Snapped

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My wife and I have been married for 11 years now. During all that time, divorce has never been an option. Murder may have been on the table, but not divorce.

When it finally came time to start acting like adults,  dotting our i’s / crossing our T’s, we began searching for life insurance. The agent met with us at our home, went over all the paperwork with us, and got us well on our way to being covered. We were signing up for a nice plan that left each of us 100k in case of an accident. A huge burden was taken off our chests.

The very next day, as we were walking through a shopping center, I caught my wife window shopping. She was looking at guns for “safety.” I believed that line right away. I mean, I’ve never seen an episode of Snapped in my life, and I’ve definitely never heard of Law and Order.


Yeah right.

We called the agent, and cancelled our policy immediately. We all know how temptation can get the best of us. After hiding all the pointy objects, and discussing with her the fact that I prohibit her from owning a gun, I felt safe again.

Now we are older. We have 5 children. As of a couple months ago, we are insured again. You see, though I may make my wife mad enough to murder me, I know that in the inner most regions of her mind she knows that once I’m gone, she will have to take care of the circus alone. That thought helps me sleep peacefully after any argument.

But just in case, I talked my wife into downgrading her dreams to owning a taser. You can never be too sure with these things.

And with that, I’m going to down a pot of coffee to calm my nerves.

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2 Responses

  1. Raine C. S. says:

    The secret is to make sure that the insurance isn’t enough to REALLY make a difference in their lives. Just enough to survive, not enough to thrive, ya know? That way, killing you really isn’t worth the hassle. Best of luck!

    • Ashlee says:

      Hahaha. This is great! As if I would kill him and have to keep 5 kids by myself. 😳😵 Seriously thinking about it gave me palpitations. I mean him dying, of-course. Yeah that’s what I meant. 😂

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