Insert Chaos Here: Blog

A Bit Tied Up at the Moment – Selah in Heaven

If my daughter is anything like the rest of us, the first time trying things usually ends up in a story to tell. Just ask my wife how all her Pinterest ideas turn out. That’s right. They don’t. So, I’m not saying she’s not ever going to be able to jump rope. She just needs a little practice is all.

My Wife Has an Odd Fetish – But Let Me Explain…

  Wife Watch 2018: People, prepare for the worst year of your life. It will hail frogs. Atlantis is going to sink to the bottom of the ocean AGAIN. All because my wife has yet to fall this winter with the weather showing no signs of ice in the immediate future. It’s going to be Y2K all over again. I suggest everyone who reads this make a mad dash to Walmart in order to stock up on non-perishables. This has been a Wife Watch Update.   My wife loves my nose. I can’t keep her off of it. I mean, I’d rather her not touch it, but she refuses to leave it alone. This has become a serious problem. It all started way back when we were just dating. Things were moving along at a serious pace, so I decided it was time to let her come to a small family reunion (on my mother’s side) with me. We were getting along great. Everyone laughed and had a merry ol’ time. Then the unthinkable happen. My wife turned into a violent psychopath, and struck me right in the face with her elbow. My nose, officially broken. You could tell by...

Fat Man Vs. Scale: Who Will Arise the Victor? – My 300lb Life

  I had an extremely discouraging week this week. It ended on a good note, but there for about four days I felt like just throwing in the towel. You see, the scale decided to challenge me. It thought it would play a dirty little joke to get my blood boiling. Four days in a row, no matter how hard I worked and how much I watched my food intake, it read 326lbs. I got the better of it though. Today, I weighed in at 317.2lbs! Take that! In your face you little faced piece of bouncy floor!…… I better not get too excited. It might decide to be mean to me again next week. I’m a firm advocate for weighing yourself daily. I know many people don’t like that idea, but once you get the groove of how your body works, it is actually beneficial and a little encouraging. I understand that the human body has weight fluctuations. There are things like water retention, full bowels, and clothing changes that factor into it. Occasionally the scale will say you gained 5lbs only to drop it by 10 at the end of the week. It happens. But weighing yourself daily...

Even Heaven Knows How Bad the Vikings Screwed Up – Selah in Heaven

What if our loved ones can see us everyday? What if we are still their heroes? Biblically, I know that those who have passed really can’t look down on us, but that doesn’t change the fact that I want them to be proud of me. I have a Grandmother who taught me what family is. I have an Uncle who taught me the power of God. And I have Selah who I’d still like to make an impression on, to be a father to her in some way.

We All Love Cat Videos – But They’re a Lie! – – – The True Cat Story

  Wife Watch 2018: It’s getting to the point where I am going to push her. In order to save everyone’s lives from the coming apocalypse and impending doom from her throwing the world off its axis, I’m just going to knock her down. You can thank me later while leading your peaceful lives. This has been a Wife Watch Update.     My wife is one of those really soft hearted people… to everyone but me that is. When she sees an animal on the street, suddenly it has a new home. Occasionally this does not turn out the way that you’d expect it to. Not everyone wants rescued. In our younger years, we found one of those situations. With our first child, we had plenty of visits to the ER. New parents tend to freak out over the smallest things, like… having his head dented. (We were told it was nothing to worry about. Happens all the time.) Through these visits, we became friends with one of the on site doctors. This doctor also had a soft spot for animals, but not the time to spend on one with all the working hours that doctors have. There was...

It’s Time for Parents to Get Serious About the Lives of Their Children

  I’m going to do something I don’t normally do with you. I know. I know. Stick to what you know! We do not like change! Booo! Just bare with me okay? I’m sticking to something I know with this. It’s just a part of myself I haven’t really shared with you. I’ve let it slip through the cracks of my posts before. Gave you a little glimpse at the real me. My life is chaotic. I am a goofball. A lot of the times I don’t take things seriously. But here is what I do take seriously. I am a believer and follower of Christ. I believe in a personal relationship with Him. As a parent, I am trying to raise my kids to get to know Him as well. Whether you are a believer or not, you will agree with me that raising kids in this day and age is one of the most challenging feats a person can face. Everyone has specific values and morals they would like to instill in their children from the Muslim, Jewish, Christian, Buddhist, and Atheist. We all want our kids to become successful and productive members of society. Let me direct...

An Interesting Take on Being Fat and Weight Loss – Curious Much?

You guys have been reading for quite a while now, or maybe you’re just starting. Heck I don’t know. I can’t see everyone who is looking at my stuff. You could be aliens for all I know. Hello there little green man reading my blog! Tell all your little jibblets I say, “hi!” Sorry. Lost my train of thought. I wanted to let you in on a little secret. I’m absolutely fat. As a matter of fact, the medical community titles me as morbidly obese. I’m not the, My 600lb Life fat, but I am definitely the, “Hey, are you going to finish that donut?” fat. It’s a gross sight to see. Please avert your eyes if you have a weak stomach. The following image is not suitable for the faint of heart. Ugh… That makes me shudder with a bit of a bile favor in my mouth. The image you see above is of a 352lb man. I’m not that man anymore. I’ve began a health journey as of 2 months ago. My weight as of this morning is 326lb. I’ve dropped a whole toddler. It’s a miracle! I’m the first man ever to have taken a toddler from...

Can You Get Grounded in Heaven? – Selah in Heaven

Her short life here on earth was a very vocal one. Already at 6 months of age, she had developed her opinion, and began to show her prissy nature. If you walked by her without acknowledging her royal highness’ existence, she would literally yell at you. Once you looked, the biggest smile would spread across her face. I believe that God may have His hands full with this one.

Always be Prepared to Punch a Raccoon in the Nose

Before we get started, a brief update on Wife Watch 2018: It still hasn’t happened. We received a large snow last night. She has skidded a few times, but as not went down. Thus has been a brief Wife Watch update. Anybody who knows me knows that I’m a city slicker through and through. I was raised with technology and all the amenities that comes with not having to rough it out in the rural life. My dream job is office work, and I barely know how to change a tire on my own car. And yes, my hands are very soft and velvety thank you very much. My wife on the other hand was raised in backwoods Arkansas. Her grandpa (who was also her guardian) was a farmer. She road in the back of pick-up trucks that traveled 80 MPH down a gravel road. Her hands…. not so velvety. She brought to our marriage one of her traditions. Camping. I’m the type of person that, if I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it right. So, even though I dreaded the prospect of the great out doors, I demanded that we only use a tent with little...