My Wife Has an Odd Fetish – But Let Me Explain…
Wife Watch 2018: People, prepare for the worst year of your life. It will hail frogs. Atlantis is going to sink to the bottom of the ocean AGAIN. All because my wife has yet to fall this winter with the weather showing no signs of ice in the immediate future. It’s going to be Y2K all over again. I suggest everyone who reads this make a mad dash to Walmart in order to stock up on non-perishables. This has been a Wife Watch Update.
My wife loves my nose. I can’t keep her off of it. I mean, I’d rather her not touch it, but she refuses to leave it alone. This has become a serious problem.
It all started way back when we were just dating. Things were moving along at a serious pace, so I decided it was time to let her come to a small family reunion (on my mother’s side) with me. We were getting along great. Everyone laughed and had a merry ol’ time. Then the unthinkable happen. My wife turned into a violent psychopath, and struck me right in the face with her elbow. My nose, officially broken. You could tell by the streams of blood running down my face.
She claimed it was an “accident”.
Let me ask you this, how does a lady an entire foot shorter than you accidentally raise her elbow at an upward angle with destructive force directly to your face? It doesn’t happen. I claim battered husband syndrome.
Her accidents have not stopped since.
As far as I can remember passed the concussions, I have been struck in the nose via her elbow about 20 times in our relationship. I’m beginning to fear for my life.
“Why do you stay with her?”
“Because she really does love me! I just know it. Deep down passed all the violent tendencies.”
It got so bad once, that the pastor from the pulpit called me out saying that she knew I was beat at home.
FYI: Though these painful occurrences really have happened this many times, and the pastor, though jokingly, did announce that, my wife really did commit these crimes on accident. She’s just that clumsy.
Even our oldest son developed the infatuation with my nose. At toddler age, he swung the broad side of a barn right at me officially rebreaking my nose so that it was no longer crooked. This is no joke. It happened.
I’ve learned to maintain a safe distance when my wife is near. But anytime my guard is let down, the elbow flies. (Like a couple days ago…)