Category: Selah in Heaven

Selah in Heaven – Thanksgiving Dinner with the Family

Holidays are a struggle for anyone who has experienced the passing of a loved one. There comes a feeling of the joy that holidays to the household followed by almost immediate guilt over allowing ourselves to be happy without our loved one present. It’s hard for us to remember the “in a better place” concept. We know it. We just don’t feel it. We get tired of people telling it to us. This is because we are selfish beings. Yeah, they may be in a better place during this holiday season, but they’re not with us. This selfishness is not going to go away. Ever. But we learn to carry it a little better with each holiday season passing. My wife and I fought through the past 4 seasons. We just let them float on by. She would find herself either locked inside her mind in another world, or separated from the world all together by staying in bed. Little by little though, we shove our selfishness down to be happy for our daughter. She’s having the time of her life. And as time goes on, she is joined with friends and loved ones to keep her company. And to...

Selah in Heaven – Holes in the Floor of Heaven

I apologize that I haven’t posted a new edition in the last couple of weeks. I have had this one drawn up for quite some time; however, the topic at hand is very sensitive. You see, I am a firm believer that when we pass on to the other side, we still exist. The “is” doesn’t turn into a “was”. “Would have been,” should not become part of our vocabulary. We don’t say, “Selah would have been 5 years old this year.” My daughter still exists. She IS 5 years old this year. Just because she’s not here with us doesn’t mean she’s not somewhere. I understand that it’s no consolation to hear, “They are in a better place.” We don’t cry because they passed. We cry because we miss them. We cry because we know all the memories we were still yet to make together cannot be made until we are able to make it to the other side ourselves. Trust me. We fully know of the better place. We fully know of the pain free life they are holding. But we’re humans. We’re selfish. We are cruel. We want them to live their natural lives with us instead...

When It Feels Like Faith is Not Enough

From the mind of a Bereaved Father Sometimes, having faith is a struggle. Sometimes it feels like faith doesn’t even matter. We are taught our whole lives that as long as we have just a little faith, we can do impossible things. We are taught that God will give us the desires of our hearts if we only believe. When we had Selah, we believed. We watched as she struggled. She was born at 27 weeks. That in itself shows that it was the beginning of a long, hard journey. We spent the majority of her time here on Earth living in the NICU at Mercy Hospital in St Louis. Selah was allergic to breast milk, and had severe acid reflux. Her reflux was so bad that we had to bypass her stomach all together with her feeding tube sending the food directly into her intestines. On the few short bursts at home, we brought home a feeding pump for continual feed. A blood test told us that she was missing data on her 2nd chromosome. Now, if there were deletions on her 3rd, then the diagnosis would have been clear. Third chromosome deletions show down syndrome. Second chromosome deletions...

Selah in Heaven : Welcome Committee

A dear friend of ours had her oldest son pass on into eternity this week to unforeseen circumstances. Our hearts are broken with her, but we are reminded that our loved ones are not lost.  We know exactly where they are.  We just can’t visit them right now. We just know our daughter Selah will be keeping him busy at his new home.

Selah in Heaven : Making Memories

When our daughter passed away,  we sat down, and had a heart to heart with God. We have Him three rules.  He took our daughter home before we got to make memories with her.  The rules were : She is to always have a bow in her hair. My Uncle Gary was to give her her first Oreo. He had to keep a memory book for us to look through so that we get to experience her life on the golden streets.

I Will Never Forget – Remember Those Who Have Passed On

The mind of a bereaved parent doesn’t function the same as everyone around you. We hold tight to our child. Our child exists. Even now, our child holds a special place in our heart. Though the would may scar over, it will always be tender. It will always be easy to tear back open. Decades down the line, there will be moments of fresh hurt, of fresh longing, of reliving the moment. Our child passed away at a very young age. She was six months old when she transitioned into Heaven to be with the ultimate father. We weren’t allotted much time with her. At the anniversary of her passing, a great struggle began to happen. We lost something. It’s something a lot of people couldn’t understand. We lost the ability to say, “This time last year…” At that moment, there would never be a “this time last year” again. And my wife began to realize something that broke her heart. Any story we tell about her from then on out would be a rerun. We have no more stories, no more memories. She became afraid. Would people begin to forget that our precious girl existed? Will we forget? We...

Selah in Heaven: That’s His Number

I imagine that my daughter is pretty stubborn in school. Mr. Gabriel probably ha’s his hands full because my children always believe they are right even when they’re the furthest from it.

Selah in Heaven : Her First Gold Star

From what we know of Selah when she was here on Earth is that she was very mischievous and stubborn. She loved making noise, and drawing attention to herself. I can’t imagine that would translate well for her in Kindergarten .

Selah in Heaven: First Day of School

Dear Mom, I miss you. I started my first day of school today. My teacher is Mr Gabriel. He plays a harp, and it sounds like he’s using a megaphone when he talks. What does “thus” mean? I just wanted you to know they’re taking care of me here. The big guy takes a lot of pictures, and glued this stinking bow to my head. My uncle gives me an oreo every day for breakfast. I don’t know why. Something about a deal that was made when I moved here. I’m learning so much. I can even write my name! I can’t wait to show you all my pictures when you visit. Love your favoritest daughter, Selah

Selah in Heaven: But I’m Cute

How can you deny the facts? Whenever a kid does something mischievous with a smile, it’s hard not to see the cuteness behind it. I say it’s a self defense mechanism.