Category: Marriage is a joy ride

My Wife Has an Odd Fetish – But Let Me Explain…

  Wife Watch 2018: People, prepare for the worst year of your life. It will hail frogs. Atlantis is going to sink to the bottom of the ocean AGAIN. All because my wife has yet to fall this winter with the weather showing no signs of ice in the immediate future. It’s going to be Y2K all over again. I suggest everyone who reads this make a mad dash to Walmart in order to stock up on non-perishables. This has been a Wife Watch Update.   My wife loves my nose. I can’t keep her off of it. I mean, I’d rather her not touch it, but she refuses to leave it alone. This has become a serious problem. It all started way back when we were just dating. Things were moving along at a serious pace, so I decided it was time to let her come to a small family reunion (on my mother’s side) with me. We were getting along great. Everyone laughed and had a merry ol’ time. Then the unthinkable happen. My wife turned into a violent psychopath, and struck me right in the face with her elbow. My nose, officially broken. You could tell by...

Common Misconceptions About Stay at Home Dads

In today’s day and age, child care if off the wall expensive. I don’t fault them for charging that much at all. I mean, I have seen my kids in action. They are well worth the cost of childcare. The simple problem is I have 4 at home, and they each have multiple medical needs that require doctors visits. Some of them have more than one doctor they have to see regularly. Ashlee holds a full time job that requires her to work insane hours. She’s a paramedic. It’s her passion; her dream come true. She went through half a decade to achieve this goal, and she’s very good at it. I; however, am a stay at home dad. It’s hard for me to say sometimes. But there it is. I don’t say it out loud because other men in around automatically look down on you from the get go without looking into your life. There are several misconceptions about stay at home fathers at least in my case.¬†Yes, I do know there are some dead beat dads out there who slump on the couch while getting spoon fed. Let’s assume they aren’t included in any of this article. I...

Building a Family – How I Met Your Mother

I have been beating myself up the past few days on what to write about. With ADHD and the curse of an Introvert missed together, finding topics of discussion is a real struggle. This morning after some prayer, and direction seeking, I think I have found out what I can talk about for the next week or so. I am, above everything, a family man. My God and my family are the number 1 things in my life. They have to be because it takes a lot of time and focus to raise as many kids as I have. Call me crazy, but I love it. But this family wasn’t always so big. It had to start out somewhere. If you are willing to stick with me for a while, and not get mad at me for hogging the keyboard from my wife, I will take you through the journey of how the family I have today was built, and some of the struggles we went through along the way. Unlike most boys, I matured at an early age. Now mature here is used relatively. I swore that I would always be a child at heart. I still love cartoons,...

I Was a Little Too Intimate with a Bee

Ashlee and I were driving down the highway yesterday evening having a typical couples spat about the weather. She was hot, and wanted to use the air conditioning. I just wanted to feel the open air through the window. The argument got pretty heated. By heated, I mean that I gave in like a scared little boy, and began rolling my window up. You remember how she bonded with a fly? My turn had come. A fuzzy bumble bee flew into our window at mach speeds smacking me right in the face! It wasn’t a cool encounter with a well known Autobot. That would be worth it. This was a much dangerous creature. After a moment of calm, I realized he wasn’t in the mood to attack again. I had considering demanding for his insurance card to pay for damages until I discovered his were far worse than mine. With a broken wing, I allowed him to rest on my shirt under supervision. Cue wife. “EEEK. Get it out! It’s so gross, and slimy, and scary. I cannot handle the pressure of such a grotesque beast in my presence. And I may be a little allergic!” (Ashlee would like to...

We Were This Close to Being On an Episode of Snapped

My wife and I have been married for 11 years now. During all that time, divorce has never been an option. Murder may have been on the table, but not divorce. When it finally came time to start acting like adults, ¬†dotting our i’s / crossing our T’s, we began searching for life insurance. The agent met with us at our home, went over all the paperwork with us, and got us well on our way to being covered. We were signing up for a nice plan that left each of us 100k in case of an accident. A huge burden was taken off our chests. The very next day, as we were walking through a shopping center, I caught my wife window shopping. She was looking at guns for “safety.” I believed that line right away. I mean, I’ve never seen an episode of Snapped in my life, and I’ve definitely never heard of Law and Order.   Yeah right. We called the agent, and cancelled our policy immediately. We all know how temptation can get the best of us. After hiding all the pointy objects, and discussing with her the fact that I prohibit her from owning a...

Help, I’m Being Attacked by Spiders and a Crazy Lady

I was insulted by a sleep walker. It’s ok. I’ve grown used to it. You see. This sleep walker is my wife. The husband abuse hotline never took me seriously when I turned it in however, and I wasnt willing to take it to court. So now I just take the abuse like a man. Let me give you an example. I’m lying in my bed reading a book with my wife thundering beside me in her usual, peaceful snore that could wake a deaf rhino during a stampede. It’s adorable really. When suddenly, the demons speak out from her sleeping body. “Did you give her the thing?” “What thing honey?” “The thing!” “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “Just shut up, idiot! ” And thus my nights have been for 11 years of marriage. Throw in your occasional nights of her jumping out of bed pointing at an empty space screaming the giant spiders are trying to get her, and it makes a very interesting relationship. Now before you start thinking she’s insane, which I do not deny, you must know that she simply skips a layer of her sleep making her brain stay active during the night....